public ActionResult Flip(int? flipCount) { var model = new BaconResult() { Title="Flip" }; model.Message = (!flipCount.HasValue) ? "You didn't tell me how many times to flip the bacon.<br/><br/>Now it's f*****g BURNT." : string.Format("You've flipped your bacon {0} time(s).", flipCount); return View("BaconCard", model); }
public static BaconResult Cook(BaconEventArgs args) { BaconResult result = new BaconResult(); result.Title = "Cook"; if (args.Weight.HasValue && args.Weight >= 10) { result.Message = "Bacon Coma."; result.ImageSource = "http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_OWrFtKbFFq4/TUMdaZ6RbdI/AAAAAAAAAWI/CDQwC_ddzBs/s1600/200px-HomerBacon.jpg"; return result; } // So now the fun begins. Need to figure out what you're using to cook with first. Unless you're using metric. if (args.UseMetricWeight) { result.Message = "Go brine your bacon, you f*****g pansy."; result.Outcome = CookingResultCode.Soggy; result.ImageSource = "http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/68/Canada_flag_halifax_9_-04.JPG"; return result; } switch (args.Medium) { case CookingStyle.FryingPan: case CookingStyle.Campfire: // Time should be 10-15 minutes. if (args.CookTime.HasValue) { result.Message = "Yea, that didn't work so well for you. You might want to try something easier like the microwave."; if (args.CookTime <= 10 && args.CookTime >= 15) { result.Outcome = CookingResultCode.Perfection; result.Message = "Your stovetop skills are impressive. Perfection."; } } break; case CookingStyle.Microwave: // So the magic number here is 3 minutes. result.Message = "Wow. You want to microwave your bacon and forgot to start the microwave. You are one lazy f**k."; if (args.CookTime.HasValue) { if (args.CookTime == 3) { result.Outcome = CookingResultCode.Perfection; result.Message = "Way to be lazy an nuke your pork. At least you didn't burn it."; } else if (args.CookTime < 3) { result.Outcome = CookingResultCode.Soggy; result.Message = "Well that's disappointing. Try longer next time. Enjoy your limp pork."; } else if (args.CookTime > 3) { // Anything more than six minutes is going to set off the smoke alarm result.Message = "Jesus jumped-up Christ! Why don't you just throw some tin foil in there too!"; } } break; case CookingStyle.Oven: // So the magic number is 375 for the temp. result.Message = "Don't be a pussy. Just cook your bacon on the stove. In a frying pan."; break; case CookingStyle.Blowtorch: // Estimated time should be about 1 minute. result.Message = "Seems you forgot to light the blowtorch, assbag."; result.Outcome = CookingResultCode.Soggy; if (args.CookTime.HasValue) { if (args.CookTime == 1) { result.Message = "You are a man's man. Unless you're a woman."; result.Outcome = CookingResultCode.Perfection; result.ImageSource = "http://www.chucknorris.com/images/89.jpg"; } else if (args.CookTime > 1) { result.Message = "You just burnt your f*****g eyebrows off. Bra-VO."; } } break; case CookingStyle.HoboStove: result.Message = "Hobo stove? What the f**k is a hobo stove?"; break; } return result; }