public ActionResult Cook(BaconEventArgs args)
{
var model = Bacon.Cook(args);
return View("BaconCard", model);
}
public static BaconResult Cook(BaconEventArgs args)
{
BaconResult result = new BaconResult();
result.Title = "Cook";
if (args.Weight.HasValue && args.Weight >= 10)
{
result.Message = "Bacon Coma.";
result.ImageSource = "http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_OWrFtKbFFq4/TUMdaZ6RbdI/AAAAAAAAAWI/CDQwC_ddzBs/s1600/200px-HomerBacon.jpg";
return result;
}
// So now the fun begins. Need to figure out what you're using to cook with first. Unless you're using metric.
if (args.UseMetricWeight)
{
result.Message = "Go brine your bacon, you f*****g pansy.";
result.Outcome = CookingResultCode.Soggy;
result.ImageSource = "http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/68/Canada_flag_halifax_9_-04.JPG";
return result;
}
switch (args.Medium)
{
case CookingStyle.FryingPan:
case CookingStyle.Campfire:
// Time should be 10-15 minutes.
if (args.CookTime.HasValue)
{
result.Message = "Yea, that didn't work so well for you. You might want to try something easier like the microwave.";
if (args.CookTime <= 10 && args.CookTime >= 15)
{
result.Outcome = CookingResultCode.Perfection;
result.Message = "Your stovetop skills are impressive. Perfection.";
}
}
break;
case CookingStyle.Microwave:
// So the magic number here is 3 minutes.
result.Message = "Wow. You want to microwave your bacon and forgot to start the microwave. You are one lazy f**k.";
if (args.CookTime.HasValue)
{
if (args.CookTime == 3)
{
result.Outcome = CookingResultCode.Perfection;
result.Message = "Way to be lazy an nuke your pork. At least you didn't burn it.";
}
else if (args.CookTime < 3)
{
result.Outcome = CookingResultCode.Soggy;
result.Message = "Well that's disappointing. Try longer next time. Enjoy your limp pork.";
}
else if (args.CookTime > 3)
{
// Anything more than six minutes is going to set off the smoke alarm
result.Message = "Jesus jumped-up Christ! Why don't you just throw some tin foil in there too!";
}
}
break;
case CookingStyle.Oven:
// So the magic number is 375 for the temp.
result.Message = "Don't be a pussy. Just cook your bacon on the stove. In a frying pan.";
break;
case CookingStyle.Blowtorch:
// Estimated time should be about 1 minute.
result.Message = "Seems you forgot to light the blowtorch, assbag.";
result.Outcome = CookingResultCode.Soggy;
if (args.CookTime.HasValue)
{
if (args.CookTime == 1)
{
result.Message = "You are a man's man. Unless you're a woman.";
result.Outcome = CookingResultCode.Perfection;
result.ImageSource = "http://www.chucknorris.com/images/89.jpg";
}
else if (args.CookTime > 1)
{
result.Message = "You just burnt your f*****g eyebrows off. Bra-VO.";
}
}
break;
case CookingStyle.HoboStove:
result.Message = "Hobo stove? What the f**k is a hobo stove?";
break;
}
return result;
}
public BaconResult Post(BaconEventArgs args)
{
return Bacon.Cook(args);
}
